Communication can be challenging, even with those we care about most. Conversations sometimes turn into arguments, misunderstandings, or periods of silence, leaving us feeling unheard or frustrated. Often, the problem isn’t a lack of care, but a difficulty expressing feelings clearly while understanding the other person’s perspective. Misunderstandings can leave us feeling lonely, even when we are not alone. A person may try to share something, but the message is received differently. Over time, these repeated misunderstandings can create distance, resentment, or a sense that talking no longer helps. Struggling to communicate does not mean something is “wrong” with a person or a relationship. Most people find it hard to express feelings clearly, especially during moments of stress, conflict, or vulnerability. When emotions run high, listening becomes harder, and words can easily be misunderstood.

Why We Misunderstand Each Other

• There are several reasons why communication can break down: 
• We cannot know what is in another person’s mind unless they tell us. 
• We may think we understand the other person’s experience and fail to ask them. 
• At times, we focus on our own perspective, especially when considering opposing opinions feels unsettling. 
• We may not share our thoughts and feelings, particularly when we feel uncomfortable, leaving others unaware of what is happening for us.

How to Notice Misunderstandings

• Be aware of patterns that often lead to miscommunication: 
• Assuming we know what others think or intend without asking. 
• Thinking in absolute terms, for example, right or wrong, always or never, and having rules about how things “should” be. 
• Making vague judgments, especially across cultural differences, which can lead to frustration or isolation. 
• Filling in gaps when unsure about something, often due to fatigue, stress, or lack of mental space. 
• Trying to control a conversation by withdrawing or refusing to explore differences.

Practical Steps to Improve Communication

Improving communication often begins with awareness and reflection. Here are some strategies:

Pause and Breathe
During moments of miscommunication, take a moment to calm your mind and slow down. Mindfulness can help create space to think clearly (please refer to the blog entry on trauma responses).

Check Your Thoughts and Feelings
Notice what you are feeling in the moment. Ask yourself what triggers your reactions: are you feeling misunderstood, frustrated, or confused?

Use “I” Statements
Share your experience without blaming others. For example: “I feel ignored when you don’t look at me while I speak. It makes me feel like what I say isn’t important.” Avoid “You” statements that can make others feel criticized. For example: “You ignore me when you don’t look at me when I speak. You don’t think that what I say is important.”

Be Curious About Others
Ask how the other person is feeling or thinking. Genuine curiosity can open dialogue instead of conflict.

Reflect on Your Contribution
Consider how your own actions or words may have influenced the situation. Taking responsibility isn’t about blame. It’s about clarity and understanding.

Listening Differently

Change often begins not with saying the “right” thing, but with learning to listen differently, both to others and ourselves. Slowing down, checking our feelings, and approaching conversations with patience can transform communication from frustration into connection.

Why Communication Challenges Are Normal

Communication difficulties are a normal part of human relationships, especially when emotions are strong. What may appear as conflict or withdrawal is often about feeling hurt and struggling to communicate that. Recognising this can soften how we view ourselves and others during misunderstandings. By increasing awareness of how feelings influence speaking and listening, it becomes possible to interact with greater patience and curiosity. Psychotherapy provides a supportive space to explore these patterns, helping people develop healthier, more genuine ways of connecting.

Moving Toward Connection

With awareness and practice, communication can become less reactive and more compassionate. Psychotherapy offers tools and insights to approach conversations thoughtfully, opening the door to stronger relationships and deeper connection.

Useful Reflections

• Misunderstandings are common, not a sign of failure. 
• Knowing when things go wrong and slowing down is important for healthy relationships. Mindfulness, “I” statements, and curiosity support better dialogue. 
• Psychotherapy can help explore patterns and develop healthier ways of relating.